The enemy in sisterhood.

As I become more self aware, as I purge the toxicity that has been ingrained in me since birth I have become more aware of others and how they speak, how the react and how they treat others.

We as female have been told that other women are our enemy. We breed insecurity within ourselves and use gossip, harsh judgment and degradation of each other to fill the void in ourselves to find validation.
We bond of mutual dislike of another, We create cliques, we emotionally manipulate each other in order to keep our "friends" close.

I first witnessed this at school, I was 5, I am Bi racial and had once been softly spoken and shy. I was an easy target. some days I was accepted and other days people isolated me from the group. My race was an easy target for bullying.

While boys were much more in my face about it, girls were more cruel and calculated.

I grew to take strength as I learned to accept myself for who I am.
This would be a life long journey spanning many years and learning through much perceived pain inflicted on me.

I would still have years to go before I could ever fully be at peace with who I am.

This really hit home when I started teaching. it was more than noticeably in the behavior of the 5 year old girls in my class.

I'd watch as they'd repeat the same behavior I had been subjected to. I began to question why ? Why would a child this young feel the need to behave this way?

Still being young and insecure I would find myself in similar situations although never one to be too interested in gossiping about others or judging peoples actions I would be swept into the pack mentality of it.

Female toxicity.

It has only been in the last few years at the ripe age of 30 when I began to take care of myself, I began to accept myself, there is a freeing power in self love.

Through correction of my own negative behavior's I soon understood why I too would engage in this type of toxicity.

Toxicity that makes women judge others that forces others to compete, indulge in gossip and degrade women for their life choices, their sexuality, their choice in clothing, their body size,  their desire to bare children or not, their relationships or choice to be single .... the list is endless,

I have come to learn that what others think of you, what their judgment is of you is always a reflection of their own deep insecurities.

I am for women, I am for men but sisterhood is an undeniably powerful source of support and love.

While I do not compete with anyone, I do not seek to talk ill of anyone, I come with only love and compassion I do understand that being for women doesn't always mean accepting the behavior of all women.

In my new found freedom of loving myself wholly and unconditionally I understand I do not have to condone the toxicity among friendships and I do not have to have any emotion whatsoever towards anyone directing their insecurities at me.

Now as an adult, unashamedly me in my love for others, in my sexuality, in my femaleness, in my independence and total lack of need for attachment, my outspoken tendencies in which I stand firm but always malleable in my own correction the last thing people judge me on is the color of skin.
Now they come at me for being me, without shame and I recognize the insecurity within them that sees their lack of freedom and self love as a threat in me.

In contrast I have also found a tribe of women also as unapologetic in who they are as people and how they conduct themselves as strong, fierce women.

Being in connection with women of this caliber makes me want to be better, do better, speak with love and integrity.

We deal as women. centered and serene. vulnerably yet strong our friendship bound not in the destruction of others but in shared love and a need to be facilitators in changing the game that is sisterhood.

I am in awe of women who own themselves.

If you are wishing to evolve past this entrapment that is insecurity and toxicity it starts at home, with yourself.
When you feel the need to judge and degrade another woman ask yourself why you are so emotionally invested and what is it within you that needs to be corrected in order to purge yourself of this negativity.
I sincerely hope every woman sheds this toxic behavior, we must stand together in solidarity and stop perpetuating the age old myth that "she" is the enemy.